I’ll be honest with you: things are pretty damn good. (Besides the whole migraine thing that I’m trying to figure out) Mommy-ing has gotten A LOT easier.
Ever since the day after Christmas, when we did the worst CIO ever, Kira has been sleeping like a DREAM. A Dream. We never thought it was possible.
A year ago, I dreaded waking up and dreaded going to bed. Now, when I go to sleep I’m about 99 percent sure that if I have a rough night, it’s my own pizza-eating problem, not Kira. When I wake up I’m about 92 percent sure that I will enjoy the day; I won’t cry, or ask God to put me in the hospital, or ask Michael to come home because I-just-can’t-take-it-anymore.
…and I LIKE Kira. I think she’s one of my best friends. I can spend all day with her, entertain her, discipline her, feed her, and listen to her; and then I’ll look at her just before bedtime and think, OH MY GOD, SHE IS SO CUTE!
The icky film of panic that I had starting this blog is almost (if not completely) gone. All that shit bubbling up inside of me has bubbled up and out has drifted into the Internet.
Really. Truly. The healing power of writing.
I am so grateful.
So what do I write about now? I sit at the computer and am at a complete loss of words. There’s no fire burning within me that I must communicate.
Hmmmm….(thinking, thinking) what junk is clogging my heart that I want to get rid of?
Ooo! Oooo! I’ve got one:
My relationship with the Church.
Oh boy oh boy oh boy.
There is SO much to say.
I’m going to get the book, read it, and thoughtfully work through the twisted, lonely, uncomfortable, and sometimes beautiful relationship that I have with the Church and other Christians.
It’s a ride. Wanna come along?
What if, at the end, we all find faith and forgiveness?
Wouldn’t that be cool?!!
Leave a Reply